To forgive is the most self-empowering gift you can give to yourself. When we fester over traumatic or abusive experiences, we sit in a position of being a victim and we ask ourselves why me? What did I do wrong? How did I deserve this?
We look externally to attempt to understand why, how and what created the situation we are in. If we can’t find the answers to these questions, life can become a cynical struggle; empty and bitter.
It’s crazy, but we sub-consciously beat ourselves up and then feel sorry for ourselves until we do it again…and again and again and again.
We start to believe our own stories, even though they are untrue. We convince ourselves we are not worthy of a loving relationship, not good enough to get a promotion, don’t deserve to have great experiences, or whatever the story happens to be.
When we become helpless and vulnerable, we attract similar experiences, which creates patterns in our lives, which fuels how we look at ourselves and the world around us. As humans, our physical bodies feel the effects of our negative emotions. Over time, emotional turmoil leads to disease, anxiety or a life that isn’t worthy of who you truly are.
So, how can you release negative emotions, forgive others and allow life to flow with ease and grace?
Firstly, stop the blame game! Stop blaming others for forcing you to step into the boxing ring with your thoughts and letting your thoughts win.
Secondly, have the courage to look at yourself and see where your blockages are. Go back and see how the blockages were first created. You must honour the experiences that created the blockages, because you placed them there for either protection or survival. In fact, you probably put your walls up as a coping strategy that has got you to where you are now.
However, it’s time to start dismantling and unclogging. Look at the beliefs, thoughts and habits that are not serving you and replace them with positive ones. When you do this, you will begin to trust in life and you will experience a wonderful sense of freedom. The universe will respond to what you are putting out and bring you what you want, rather than a slap in the face.
You are now in the position to bring awareness to the self-destructive patterns you created to help you survive and forgive yourself for not honouring or loving who you truly are. Self-reflection can be painful and difficult, so seek someone to support this process such as a coach, a healer or a trusted friend or loved one.
Now you’ve stepped away from victimhood and stepped into self-empowerment, your reward is life starts to flow again. You become a magnet for beautiful things to show up and you grow stronger. The stronger you become, the easier it becomes to find forgiveness for your perpetrators and you no longer allow your experiences to hold you back from living the life you were born to live.
Nelson Mandela said, “Forgiveness liberates the soul, it removes fear. That’s why it is such a powerful weapon.”
When this time comes, I want to share a tool with you that I have used time and time again that will shift you into the next level of consciousness.
Find a quiet place where you will not be disturbed. Centre yourself with your breathing and write your perpetrator a letter, allowing your emotions to be released. Put everything down on paper, such as how they made you feel and what they may have taken from you.
Make sure you end the letter with what the person has shown you or taught you indirectly through their actions. This could be a number of things, for example, how resilient you have been, how much wiser you have become, how you have raised your level of consciousness or increased your self-love and worthiness.
Once you have completed the letter, bring yourself back to your centre. Being English, I make myself a cup of tea, then I burn the letter and set the intention of being free of the energy that holds me back from experiencing the magic of life.
If you want to free yourself from your past and love your life, get your free Success Coaching session here.