I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want…

Your parents almost certainly disciplined you for using all sorts of bad language when you were young.  You may have even had youFocus on What you Wantr mouth washed out with soap for saying certain naughty words.  However, there’s a few bad words you probably didn’t get into trouble for using.

Let’s take a look at the word don’t for a moment.  If you say “I don’t want to be fat” or “I don’t want to be single”, your subconscious mind doesn’t register the word don’t.  Instead your mind hears “I want to be fat” or “I want to be single”.  When you say statements like this, whether to yourself or others, you are focusing on what you don’t have, so you will get more of it!

Instead, you would be far better saying “I want to be slim and healthy” or “I want to be in the relationship of my dreams”.  By focusing on what you don’t want, you are sending out a negative signal (or vibration) to the universe, and what you give out you will get back.  If you focus on what you do want, you are sending out a different signal (a higher vibration) to the universe.  Another really negative word is the word try.  When your body hears this word, it shuts down.  When you say “I’ll try to go to the gym tomorrow”, you are not committing to doing it.  You are giving yourself an out and allowing all kinds of excuses to rear their ugly head and prevent you from going to the gym.  When tomorrow comes, you will most likely look for reasons not to go to the gym.  You’ll be too tired, too busy, too hungry or whatever.  When you say “I will go to the gym tomorrow” you are making a definite commitment to yourself, so when tomorrow comes, you are more likely to actually go.  An example of the word try that you may have heard from your friends, or even used yourself, is “We should try to catch up on the weekend”.

If you read between the lines, what that really means is I’m really busy and I’m not sure if you are a high enough priority to fit into my schedule.  If I have some spare time and I can be bothered, I might give you a call.  How different is that to saying “Let’s catch up this weekend”?  The only exception to this rule is when you use it when someone scores a “try” in football – that’s perfectly acceptable!  In this case, it’s used as a noun, not a verb, which you would do to remove from your language all together. Another naughty word you would benefit from removing from your vocabulary is but.  When you use the word but in a sentence, you cancel out whatever you said just before it. For example, “I’d really like to exercise more but I work long hours and I have to look after the kids.”

Can’t is one of the worst words in the English language.  When you say “I can’t“, you are giving up before you have even started!  Can’t is a defeatist word that comes from a pessimistic attitude.  Eliminate it from your language and replace it with “How can I?” The question “Why me?” is also a representation of the attitude of the person who said it.  It is a thought that constantly occurs in the minds of people who have a victim mentality.  Instead of thinking your circumstances are happening to you and are out of your control, focus on what you can change.

If you feel yourself sliding back into victim mode, repeat this powerful phrase; “I have the power to change my reality.”  If you say “I should do this” or “I should stop doing that”, you are not committing to it.  Although you are recognising the need to make a change, using the word should does not enable you to find a solution to your challenge. You are criticising yourself and at the same time accepting a situation you are not happy about.  Put simply, you are should-ing all over yourself!  Next time you say or think the words I should, replace it with the question “What do I need to do differently?”

The challenge with the word problem is it sounds difficult, feels heavy and does not lend itself to being solved.  A problem puts a heavy weight on your shoulders, whereas a challenge says “How can I do this?” Swap the word problem for the word challenge if you want to help yourself and others work out a solution.

If you want some help finding solutions to your challenges, get your free coaching session here.

Negative Positive
But I am responsible for my life
Try I will do it. Just do it!
I can’t It’s done! How can I?
Why me? I create my reality. How can I change this?
I should I will. What do I need to do differently?
Problem Challenge
It’s too hard How can I?

By Peter Conna

Educator, Mentor and Business Growth Expert Peter brings a unique combination of intelligence, practicality and exuberant passion to add enormously to the success of client’s personal, business and financial lives. With over 25 years of experience in business and having coached over 2,000 individuals and presented to over 35,000 clients, his knowledge is enviable and enthusiasm infectious. Peter Conna, clearly one of the most experienced mentors and educators in Australia can also boast academic standing with qualifications including a Certificate IV in Coaching, Certificate IV in Real Estate, Diploma in Financial Services (Financial Planning), Bachelor of Business and Masters of Education. He is currently completing a Masters of Counselling. Driven by a strong sense of contribution, Peter enjoys hearing stories of success from his clients and the stories from the Make a Wish Foundation children he works so hard to support. His efforts to date have raised over $625,000 for the charity. He has recently created the eQ Foundation, a charity set to sponsor the education of over 1,000 children in developing countries this year. He is committed to helping individuals achieve outstanding results by providing integrity based mentoring and coaching.